Say what you mean
Don't expect another person to guess what you need. Explain how you feel and what would help, while leaving space for them to do the same.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
Healthy relationships grow through understanding.
Whether you're getting back into dating, building something new or working through a difficult patch, good relationships need communication, respect, boundaries and room for both people to be themselves.
EVERYDAY RELATIONSHIPS
Small habits can make a big difference
No relationship is perfect. What matters is how two people communicate, respond to differences and treat one another when things are not effortless.
Listen to understand
Try to understand the point being made before preparing your response. Being heard does not require both people to agree.
Respect boundaries
A healthy connection allows both people to have limits, friendships, interests, privacy and time apart without punishment or pressure.
Deal with the issue, not the person
Disagreements are easier to resolve when the focus stays on the problem rather than insults, threats, humiliation or bringing up every past mistake.
BETTER CONVERSATIONS
Talk about the things that actually matter.
Early attraction is only one part of compatibility. As a relationship develops, talk openly about expectations, children and family, money, lifestyle, where you want to live, intimacy, time together and apart, and what commitment means to each of you.
Differences do not automatically make two people incompatible. The important question is whether those differences can be discussed honestly and respectfully.
Explore our Dating Tips →WHEN THINGS FEEL DIFFICULT
Know the difference between a rough patch and an unsafe relationship
Conflict can be normal
People disagree. Stress, work, parenting, finances and changing circumstances can put pressure on a relationship. A difficult conversation does not necessarily mean the relationship is unhealthy.
It may help to slow the conversation down, take time to think, agree on what actually needs resolving and consider counselling when you keep reaching the same impasse.
Control and fear are different
Threats, intimidation, stalking, coercion, isolation, financial control, physical or sexual violence and making someone afraid are not ordinary relationship disagreements.
If you feel unsafe, prioritise your safety and seek specialist support. FindMyPerson relationship advice is not a substitute for professional or emergency assistance.
Read FindMyPerson dating safety →NEW ZEALAND SUPPORT
Sometimes outside help is the right next step
These independent New Zealand services can help you find appropriate support. They are not operated by or affiliated with FindMyPerson.
1737
Free, confidential 24/7 emotional support for people in New Zealand. You can call or text 1737 to speak with a trained counsellor or peer support worker.
Visit 1737 →Family Services Directory
A New Zealand government directory for finding local family, whānau, counselling, mental-health and other support services around the country.
Search local services →Shine
Free, confidential family-violence support. Shine's helpline and webchat are available 24/7; its helpline is 0508 744 633.
Visit Shine →Immediate danger?
If you or somebody else is in immediate danger in New Zealand, call 111. FindMyPerson is not an emergency or counselling service.
TAKE YOUR TIME
A good relationship should leave room for you to be you.
Compatibility isn't about agreeing on everything. Look for honesty, kindness, respect, consistency and the ability to talk through differences without fear.